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Single
Hopes, dreams and aspirations. We all had them when we were young. I remember some of mine. I enjoyed sports, the excitement, the challenges, the victories, and the camaraderie. Early on numbers where always easy for me, I could add, subtract, multiply, and divide faster than any one else my age, or four years older even. Cars became very important around 15, I can still remember my first Pontiac Firebird.
But with all the dreams of football, college, and a successful job making lots of money, they paled in comparison to what was really important to me, women.
F&S fans I ask that you work with me while I use my own website as therapy for myself.
Today I am a 43 years old, twice divorced single sober man. It was 10 years ago that marriage one failed, and about 5 years ago that number two was signed and stamped at the courthouse. Those events ring as the biggest failures in my life. I have had events happen to me over the past week that have really opened up the emotional flood gates of my past and I am in a sea of pain. Why have I failed so miserably with women, which early on in my life I identified was the most important. I just don’t know.
For all of my adult life up until about 4 years ago it was as easy as me saying hi to get a date with gorgeous woman or all types. I don’t want to really share some of these experiences but let me just say, I was very fortunate in this area. With height, good physical shape, important job titles, intelligence, a college degree, money and possessions, I was a kid in a candy store.
But life happened, and it happened VERY badly for about a one year period as I bottomed out in the world of drug and alcohol addiction. During this time period the “job titles”, money, possessions, where stripped away, and most likely will never come back, (if I even wanted them). However I gained God in a huge way, a new outlook on life, sobriety, and single-hood, again.
Today I am screaming in anguish over my inability to even connect at an entry level with a woman. Listen I have been attempting all the things that it seems “modern dating” is supposed to be. Match and other on-line internet dating sites, sitting on street corners, attempting to start up conversations at grocery stores, you name it. All dismal failures.
Here has been a typical date: We meet for coffee, talk for 10 to 15 minutes, I can see that I really have no interest in her for any number of reasons, she most likely sees that I don’t have money or care to, don’t drink and don’t care to, don’t do drugs and don’t care to, and believe that our country is about to collapse and she doesn’t, she believes we are in an economic recovery and living in the matrix.
We go our ways and never even text each other thanks how about date two, the end.
Today I am battling the greatest gift that God has given me, “The glasses of truth”. These glasses of truth have provided me with discernment and wisdom. This impacts my dating world immensely, I can see lies as they come out of people’s mouths, I can see those that came to our dates on pain medication or other drugs. I can see that they are not the people that are posted in their pictures or written about in their profiles.
If someone would have told me that when I was 43 years old I would be a single man, with a broken heart from two failed marriages and unable to connect with women in the 4 years leading up to that age, I would have said “NO WAY, that’s crazy talk”.
Guess what it is not crazy, it is reality. A reality that is hitting me very hard right now.
I imagine many of my readers are single, or therapists, or in similar situations, feel free to join me in some tears.
God Bless.
PS: I will return to my regular blogging soon.
Filed under: National Blog · Tags: collapse, discernment, drug and alcohol addiction, economic recovery, faithandsurvival, possessions, single hood, sobriety
I'll be praying for those pains. I have not gone on your road of life but I have shed tears and loneliness on my own journey. Jesus Christ has been there all the time. I know that if you lean on him he will hold you in his arms. There is distance between us but there is none with our God. I am your friend.
Thanks Felix….
there are not enough words to tell you how saddened I am at your situation, however, in it and thru it there is healing….all things happen for a reason……when you get thru it you will look back and say thank you God for teaching me this lesson….there is something to be learned here and He wants you to learn it for a reason……..set your emotions aside for a moment and dwell on his eminent grace and mercy………..do not pick those emotions back up but give them to Christ, because through all things he will strengthen you…….YOU, are here for a reason….not just in your physical location, not just through the birth of yourself, you are here at this season for a reason……….God has got something planned for you Chris…you are a wise man, DO NOT let the enemy destroy you. YOU have a job to do for the Lord and that is to WARN the people…..get your mind off of yourself and let HIM handle your situation…..because you don't know how……let Jesus lead you all the way………..I think that is a song…….you must step outside your pain and hurt and move away from negativity and put your mind on Christ….he will lead you where HE wants you to go……..Love you and I am praying for you…..I mean seriously praying for you…..We cannot lose you brother……
Thanks Emily, I don't plan on you losing me, it just is an area of my life that is tough, I know God has a plan, and mine was to write the truth for now, tomorrow I will wait and see, God Bless.
God moves by opening and shutting doors. Once I got the knack of that – I was just as happy when a door was shut as when a door was open. The definition of PAIN is forcing your way through a closed door. And if you do it on big issues (like marrying the wrong person, or taking the wrong job, or buying the wrong piece of property) that PAIN can go on with repercussions that make your life weak and sick for years. So wait for the open door. When it is God – there will also be something supernatural about the open door.
Amazing words of wisdom, thanks Emily
I am not saddened by your position, you have been given a great gift, the gift of sight, and do not think for one moment that you are not loved or appreciated-YOU ARE. The gift of sight (although many may argue that ignorance is bliss) But I learned many moons ago that you can not appreciate things without contrast, for example if everyone was beautiful how could you appreciate it-it would become boring, you see all around you the beauty in the desert, in the forest in survival freedom for your Country-it is why you fight so hard for it, The barren or the heavy laden, Life is a series of contrasts, without the bad how can we so appreciate the good, when we are sick it hurts-but when we are well after the sickness-oh boy are we well! You are not looking at life through rose colored glasses, you see the real deal, embrace it, when I was going through a very hard time in my life-I was given sage wisdom and that was "suffer well", you need to feel every ounce of suffering and then release let go, see clearly, then go with it, the right person that see's the beauty in you will come, give it time, another saying, you look for love you find a friend, you look for a friend you find love, you are appreciated, prayed for and loved!
talk to you again soon Chris, all the best to you , really!
Beautiful words Dawn Lynge.
Wow Dawn, that was profound, the middle sentence of 'you can not appreciate the good without experiencing pain' I have said to myself oh 100 times in the last week.